I killed a mouse with a broom. Last night I saw him running around the kitchen while I was watching Nick Canon’s Wil’n Out. Then I set a couple traps. Tonight Ashlee-Heather and I decided to sweep behind the fridge and stove and there he was. Ashlee-Heather immediately made her way outside while I prepared for the kill. Simba style. I think I probably overkilled it, but you can never be too sure. After that kill I think I’m ready for some deer hunting again. This time I’ll use an adult gun.
**Previously unpublished draft from 8 years ago now published. We got a cat, Ardy, since this post was first unpublished. He doesn’t really know how to hunt mice though. One night I heard some noise in the kitchen and thought a bird was in the house. Turned out to be Ardy playing with a mouse in the kitchen.**
Yesterday I turned 26 years of age. In honor of the occasion I went driving around to various thrift stores looking for an original Nintendo because I found a store that sells a lot of original Nintendo games. I found one system but they were selling it for 50 bucks. Used, I might add.
**Previously unpublished draft from almost 9 years ago. Apparently, I really wanted to play Duckhunt again when I was 26. 9 years later and I’d still like to get my hands on an original Nintendo. And a Gameboy. And a Sega Genesis.**
Ashlee-Heather bought me a bike about 5 or 6 years ago. It broke early in my riding of it. Last week we finally had the bike fixed and I live to ride again. I told Ashlee-Heather that I was going to start riding it down the street to the church building and she said that I wasn’t at the stage of life to be taking that risk. She also saw me riding it around our neighbourhood and was quoted as saying “you look too big for that bike” and “Mackneer men weren’t made for bikes.” In other words, my bike is not big man certified. _____________________________________________________________
**Previously unpublished draft now released for your enjoyment. I’ve ridden it a few times since this post was first not published.**
Ashlee-Heather and I got one of these during our Christmas season. It has begun to malfunction already. I googled for help and the internet told me to stick a paperclip in the machine to make it work better. I considered it but then remembered I’m not very good at being MacGyver.
**This post was previously unpublished. It has now been released for your enjoyment. We returned the Keurig days after this publish was first not published. We now have a Keurig 2.0.**
God is in control and Jesus loves you. Two truths I’ve been reminded of lately.
It’s been raining a lot in Guelph. This has led Cody to question his theological position on it. He’s asked two intriguing questions recently. First “why does it always rain in Canada?” and second “Does God shoot the rain from his hand?” He often has these conversations with his imaginary brother Inkytesus but yesterday he told us that Inkytesus was in Jamaica. It’s hard keeping up with the whereabouts of Inkytesus. Last I heard he had moved to Calgary but now he is vacationing in Jamaica. Ashlee-Heather is not a fan of when the answer to “where is Inkytesus?” is “he’s right behind you.” Anyway, I generally have three answers to most “Canadian” questions I receive but none of them worked for this one.
- All Canadians don’t speak French
- it is not always cold in Canada (I don’t live in an igloo)
I settled with telling Cody that we need the rain and that I didn’t know if God shot the rain from His hand but He is in charge of it. Simply, God is in control of it all. He knows when rain is needed and provides it. I almost broke out into a sermon jam and led an alter call as “He’s got the whole world in His hands” was playing in the background from his VBS CD while we drove to school.
Tessa’s thoughts on the rain were a little more extreme. Before we got in the car this morning she jumped in a puddle and sang “It’s raining..it’s pouring..the old man is snoring..I punched him in the face.” I wasn’t expecting that variation to the classic rain song. Inkytesus must have taught her that. Tessa knows the real truth though because the other night Ashlee-Heather asked her “how do you know mommy loves you?” Among other things Tessa looked at her and said “Jesus loves me.”
God is in control and Jesus loves you. He is, He does, He always will.
I had just finished telling Cody not to stick Lego up his nose or it will get stuck. Dad’s just know this kind of stuff. Then it happened. He said “it already did get stuck.” Recalling my former days of dominating Operation I grabbed some tweezers and carefully executed the removal. Frankly, I’m surprised I was as calm as I was during the procedure. I’ve been a member of the paranoid dads club since 2012. It’s hard to tell that about me because on the surface I look calm and ready but on the inside I keep on forgetting what I wrote down. My palms get sweaty… Something about Mom’s spaghetti. Just come watch me during the kids swim lessons one day and you’ll know what I’m talking about. Anyway, without further ado I’d like to introduce a new segment entitled “Lego Removal” where I will give you a step by step guide to removing a Lego piece from your 4 year old’s nose.
- Instruct your child with a line from The Office boss Michael Scott. “Don’t do anything. Don’t ever, for any reason, do anything, to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you’ve been, ever, for any reason whatsoever.”
- Don’t over think it just execute. One of my High school basketball coaches was named Ed H. and in one pep talk he wrote his initials on the board and said “this is what I want you to do. Execute Defense. Hustle.” Ed H. He gave us a haiku poem for the pep talk. I don’t think that’s haiku but it was likely what my tenth grade self was thinking. All these years later I applied Ed H to Lego removal. I needed all 3 and you will to. Execute: You have to execute the plan. If you don’t have a plan, return to step one. Defense: Not sure how defense works in this instance other than boxing out my daughter from interfering and ducking my head from Cody’s arms swinging at me. He doesn’t like tweezers. In other words, defense is vital. Defense wins championships. Hustle: This is the easy part. I got up the stairs to get the tweezers faster than I have ran in 10 years. Don’t say no to cardio. Like the t-shirt says, greatness only comes before hustle in the dictionary. I would have gone even faster but we have slippery stairs. Ashlee-Heather fell down them recently, so that was in the back of my mind as well. Safety first.
- Celebrate the win. After successfully removing the lego it felt appropriate to let out a Ric Flair “Woooooooooooooo!”
- Remove all Lego from the house.
- Tweet it out. It’s worth letting the world know. Here’s a sample of how to properly do that.
This past weekend I turned 34.
If I didn’t know I was 34, I’d say I was closer to 44.
That’s because ever since I turned 30 I wake up sore.